Sleep

The idea of sleep is strange.
You lay in one spot for a little while, and as you lay, your brain slowly turns off, then your unconscious. The fact that I contemplate this so much could be the cause of my insomnia, because my mother has made it clear that not being able to fall asleep is something that is absolutely self inflicted. I apparently do this to myself by doing things such as being on my computer at 1 in the morning, or listening to music. When i don't have these things to keep me up, its because I don't want to sleep enough, or because I have had too much caffeine that day, (even if I had a chocolate covered raisin at 2 in the afternoon, it counts as sabotage to slumber.) I have many arguments to raise to this, however. If computer screens keep your brain awake, then why can people read their nooks or kindles before bed and then pass out in 4 seconds? I find that instead of laying in bed convincing myself that by not sleeping I am somehow failing myself, my family, and the president of the united states, it is much less stressful to just watch some youtube videos and ending up drifting off to sleep from that.
The idea of music keeping me awake is just ridiculous because the place where I see the most people sleeping are at classical music concerts. I understand that listening to some crazy "I hate the world and everything in it so I'm going to hit this drum real hard and scream" band would keep you up, but the acoustic music that i listen to is anything but stimulating. It also helps with the "my life is over" feeling, and, wanting to be a music major when i grow up, I genuinely enjoy listening to a talented person play their music.
When I was told that I wasn't sleeping because I did not want to sleep, I almost snapped. If someone who has insomnia sees this, they know the feeling of being tired, and knowing that you should be sleeping, but simply not knowing what to do to get to sleep. You would literally walk through the river styx (pardon my greek mythology nerdiness) in order to get to sleep. For example, today i went to a Katy Perry concert (never loved her music but she's an incredible performer) AND the zoo, and yet here I am at 4:30 in the morning, talking about the wonderful thing that I can not achieve.
I have always been caffeine sensitive. This morning my family and I went to duncan doughnuts and I got a medium iced coffee. About an hour later, my hands were shaking and I felt like my eyes didn't want to stay in one place. Because of this a very rarely have coffee, and my house has absolutely no caffeine in it, to make sure that I dont get tempted. Because of this, I can literally not think of one thing that keeps me up at these ridiculous hours. Maybe ill major in a cure for insomnia that doesnt make you have night terrors are sleep walk yourself into your friends car (sleeping pill stories are always fun)
Untill next time, its been fun
~me with a y and an e